Making a lifestyle change involves tackling difficult emotional issues, among other things.
There are times when I’ve had to stop and look hard at what patterns I’ve created and have been repeating.
One thing I can say is this – I have ruined a lot of good relationships in my life.
I also had a pattern of bad boyfriends for years, and we took great pleasure in destroying each other emotionally, and spiritually.
I am married to a beautiful man now, God bless him!
The challenge I face now is, family and friends.
I travelled home this winter, where I was to see my entire family and pretty much all my friends. I was so stressed about this trip, that I started seeing a therapist.
I wanted to see everyone, which is why I planned the trip in the first place.. I love them, well most of them 🙂
Everyone has difficult relationships, and I am one person that dislikes confrontation until I am really provoked, and I turn into a fire breathing demon. That’s not the kind of person you want sitting at the dinner table though. Or to be within a mile of.
So to tackle my confrontation issues, anger issues, and God knows what else, I decided to seek help.
So what is my pattern? Person A who most of the time, happens to be someone I’m quite fond of, does something or says something that falls below my expectation of our ‘strong bond’. I feel hurt, and stop speaking to person A. I mull over it for months. A grave injustice has been done to me. Person A and I can now never get back to how we used to be.
I believe our relationships are mirrors of our inner selves. I have high expectations of myself and constantly beat myself up over the most trivial things. But this explanation doesn’t quite cover it.
One of my dear friends recently described me as ‘stuck up’ and while my initial reaction was strong and in complete opposition of what she said, I continued to mull over it, and realised that it was indeed spot on.
Once I reached India, I decided to just let go. Of all grievances, and the past. Let the past stay where it is, or was. Let me embrace my friends and family with love.
Life works in mysterious ways. Everyone was as uninhibited and footloose as I had chosen to be. Or had I been the only one all along who was over guarded? 😉